RAINDANCING

The future, apparantly!

Time-served Doctor Who fans are ditching their expensive Cyberman gear in favour of Native American Indian costumes this year, in a desperate attempt to control the weather. Why? Doctor Who’s mid-season cliffhanger is on tomorrow and the Ratings are plaguing the minds of a small group of mad fans. Oh yes, it’s that time of year again and the Doctor’s worst enemy isn’t on the screen…

The Sun. That bloody Sun is trying to spoil it again. That annoying miracle that brings life to earth, providing plants with energy that in turn give us an atmosphere so that we can live on planet Earth.

Fear not though, as this celestial body will not be responsible for the axe falling on our beloved series as we have a plan. 

Feathers and turquoise

It’s time to Raindance. The ceremonial rain dance has helped native Americans get through dry summers and is only now being adopted in Britain where you can see it performed by that small minority of rabid Doctor Who fans trying desperately to invoke precipitation.

Doing the Dance

It’s quite easy really!  Find a large open area outdoors, (yes outdoors, scary eh?) and select an inspiring place where you are surrounded and inspired by stuff that reminds you of Doctor Who to achieve the best mood and setting in which to dance, preferably with your sonic screwdriver to hand.

Form your Native American rain chant. Your chant should be rhythmical and easy to say quickly and can be anything as simple as repeating “Rain wainy” over and over again.

Raise your hands to the sky and begin to spin in clockwise circles while chanting softly. Close your eyes, and become one with nature; gain inspiration from the breeze on your cheek and the smell of the outdoor air. Spin faster gradually while increasing the volume of your Native American chant, until you are spinning as fast as you can and yelling your chant as loud as you can. Continue dancing and chanting simultaneously as long as you wish before abruptly stopping and dropping to your knees.

Tips

Spin in counterclockwise circles to rid yourself of the resulting downpour. Never perform a rain dance near a cliff, for you could slip and kill yourself.

If all fails FANWNAK have clubbed together enough cash to bribe the Met Office in order to falsely report bad weather conditions in the UK so that bums are on seats.

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